Don’t mind if I do

Dear Chive.

I really like you.   The website that is.  You’re a collection of amusing photographs, useful links, and witty comments.

As for the people  behind the Chive, that constructed this façade of playful coolness.  You’re a major player – aka Killer Whale – as opposed to a bottom feeding sea sponge-virus like me and my blog.  I’ll give you that.   But just because I don’t receive hundreds of pictures of gorgeous female fans sent to me every day, with a pretty plea to please post them, … that doesn’t mean that you get to fling huge turtles at me from an aeroplane.

Yes it is a funny picture.  Yes it saves time to simply toss an exotic specimen out of a Fletcher Aircraft when you’re going skydiving anyway, instead of paying someone to go through the process of photo shopping a few images.  And yes it is a hoot – especially after some Margaritas – to imagine where the thing might land and which juvenile stir it might cause among the square people.

Well here it is.  Imagine not just a hole in a roof, but also in the wood floor between two storeys.  And imagine the remains of a large reptilian spread all over those two storeys, along with parts of a chimney and a Chinese fondue dinner. A dinner meticulously composed by means of handpicked ingredients, in accordance with traditional Chinese medicine principles, to achieve the ultimate culinary ying and yang balance.  Ending in a horrific explosion and a ravage of smashed oriental porcelain and furniture, with bits of turtle shell and testudinal entrails all over the place.

There is a limit to disruptive experiments.   I’ll admit that it can be a fine line, but the trick is to keep in mind when a prank might add more than just a smidgen of the innovative surprise element to people’s lives, but rather is likely to cause horrific chaos, leading to physical shock and hysteria.

In the aftermath of this fiasco, in between reconstruction works and after frantically Googling the web in search of an explanation and a perpetrator, I can assure you that the ‘deal with it’ comment that I found accompanying the picture of the animal when it was still airborne, was not perceived as dry wit, but as cold, hard, insensitive cynicism.

See you in court.

Gruff.

And as for music, I don’t care about what you think either.

Big screen smithereen

There was a time when Belgian movies were childish, ridiculous and/or amateuristic.  One of the reasons, was the bad habit of letting the actors speak in an uncomfortable, awkward and most irritating artificial sort of Dutch.  That no one in real life ever speaks unless maybe they’re hosting poetry night at the Wig and Wine Guild.    Things gradually changed over the years, and since some time now this deplorable flaw was finally overcome.  A more insightful generation of directors, values research and practice, to make sure that the used language is as authentic a regional dialect as possible.  Even in this small country there’s a great variety of speech, peculiar to particular regions.  As well as rather typical local customs.

Belgian cinema by now produced some highlights like “C’est arrivé près de chez vous” (‘it happened near you’), “Loft” (uh, yeah ‘Loft’), “De helaasheid der dingen” (‘The Alasness of things’, see picture above) & even “ex drummer”.

The latest film well worth watching, featuring some skilled actors that really put in the effort, is “Rundskop” (‘Bullhead’).   Set against the background of the ‘hormone mafia’, agricultural blockheads that don’t shy away from violence to protect their financial interests.  But this isn’t the whole story.  A personal tragedy unfolds, showing that in some cases the bad guys also started out as victims.  When random biochemical mishaps cause disorders that in turn lead chance encounters towards irreversible doom.

Streetview Zoology

About an hour ago I was standing on the corner, waiting for the traffic light to change.

Rather uninterested, I was watching a couple of policemen that had just apprehended a guy on a motorcycle for some minor offence.  When I noticed a pretty strange car approaching.  With a weird contraption sticking out high on top of it’s roof.  It took me about 3 seconds – long enough for the car to pass me by – before I realized it was a Google Maps Street View Car.  (Also the word G O O G L E was written on the side.  Which in hindsight was a pretty good clue, but to my defense, I don’t read too well from a distance.)

Not sure if it was the same brand and model of car, but it was red and looked something like this:

So no obscene gestures as some kind of prank from my part.  No time to dress up like a ninja, scubadiver, Star Wars character or Archangel Lucifer for that matter,… if the camera was taking pictures at the time,  I involuntarily joined the ranks of the legions that only manage to look as perplexed (ok, stupid) as cattle in a meadow, staring at a hot air balloon.

So I guess my town is almost on the modern map of efficient anticipatory route planning.

As for appropriate music. …. Uh…. OK, maybe now everybody will find their way home.

Aimless drive

So the president of the Republic of Egypt announced his departure, and his entire party just quit.  I guess that’s good for democracy.  Right ?  After all, Egypt has been under emergency law since 1967, meaning extended police powers, suspended constitutional rights, and legalized censorship.  Seems like about time for some freedom.

Now let’s hope that the new rulers, won’t – say – destroy the pyramids and the Sphinx of Giza, or something like that, because they consider them to be pre Muslim heathen symbols.  But, in all fairness, there’s no need to be too concerned.  Why not give people a chance.

Or a nursery action song.

And if all else fails, we’ll send in the 6 million dollar men.  (Imagine the sound effects yourself.    OK, here they are.)

Meanwhile …. meanwhile, what ?   O yeah:

…style, Zimbabweans have it, and we have it.

 

You know we are.