Don’t mind if I do

Dear Chive.

I really like you.   The website that is.  You’re a collection of amusing photographs, useful links, and witty comments.

As for the people  behind the Chive, that constructed this façade of playful coolness.  You’re a major player – aka Killer Whale – as opposed to a bottom feeding sea sponge-virus like me and my blog.  I’ll give you that.   But just because I don’t receive hundreds of pictures of gorgeous female fans sent to me every day, with a pretty plea to please post them, … that doesn’t mean that you get to fling huge turtles at me from an aeroplane.

Yes it is a funny picture.  Yes it saves time to simply toss an exotic specimen out of a Fletcher Aircraft when you’re going skydiving anyway, instead of paying someone to go through the process of photo shopping a few images.  And yes it is a hoot – especially after some Margaritas – to imagine where the thing might land and which juvenile stir it might cause among the square people.

Well here it is.  Imagine not just a hole in a roof, but also in the wood floor between two storeys.  And imagine the remains of a large reptilian spread all over those two storeys, along with parts of a chimney and a Chinese fondue dinner. A dinner meticulously composed by means of handpicked ingredients, in accordance with traditional Chinese medicine principles, to achieve the ultimate culinary ying and yang balance.  Ending in a horrific explosion and a ravage of smashed oriental porcelain and furniture, with bits of turtle shell and testudinal entrails all over the place.

There is a limit to disruptive experiments.   I’ll admit that it can be a fine line, but the trick is to keep in mind when a prank might add more than just a smidgen of the innovative surprise element to people’s lives, but rather is likely to cause horrific chaos, leading to physical shock and hysteria.

In the aftermath of this fiasco, in between reconstruction works and after frantically Googling the web in search of an explanation and a perpetrator, I can assure you that the ‘deal with it’ comment that I found accompanying the picture of the animal when it was still airborne, was not perceived as dry wit, but as cold, hard, insensitive cynicism.

See you in court.

Gruff.

And as for music, I don’t care about what you think either.

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