LOTR Umpire Decision Review System

Dear ExplainThisImage.com Management,

Kindly note that I have taken exception to the following caption contest comment:

“One cannot simply banana boat into Mordor”

I would like to emphasize that it is in fact possible to banana boat into Mordor, should one want to do this.  Which is exactly what happened on Saturday the 5^th of March 2011, during the annual Lord of the Rings Role-play board game of my clan “Nimloth”.

This rather unusual turn of events was of course initiated by Raymond (better known by his RP name ‘Rongolas’).   As seen in the picture below, taken during a real life gathering near Colchester, of which the invitation was limited to – quote – “Middle Earth warriors such as Elves, Dwarves, Men-at-arms and wizards”.  Where Rongolas managed to convince the gatekeeper that Uzi-toading Ninja’s were also men-at-arms.

The reason for his rather irritating free interpretations of Dungeons and Dragons, is that Raymond doesn’t limit himself to the classic medieval sorcery roleplay.  He insists on playing Sci-fi RP as well, and even Modern Warfare RP.  And then all too often is inpired to introduce some external elements into Fantasy RP, when everyone is watching porn, or is too drunk or stoned to bother to check the rules.   The latest War of the Rings RP championship was no exception.

After having played for about 6 hours, right before the main campaign against the Black Hordes, a 20-sided multi-dice challenge was called.  I lost, and was therefore appointed to go out and buy Fish-and chips for everyone and an Indian Curry for Rongolas.  Upon my return, Rongolas had gained an unfair advantage, by use of a so-called ‘self-made wooden kite’, that advanced his character by no less than 10 miles, in one single game round.  (It was the Avatar weekend on the Nickelodeon channel, so it’s not hard to guess where he got the idea for this blatant infraction.)

Non-the-less, I and two comrades were outvoted by the other players, which was motivated by the following (new) rule: “the use of handcrafted – or magically conjured up – vehicles and/or means of transportation is allowed, when a 5 is rolled with an ‘Oblivion & Interferenz’ Crystal Caste Dice”

Admitting to some sarcasm concerning the possible consequences of this new rule, some of us tried our luck anyway.   Thus, Firindab the Elf was able to submit a “Pogo Jump Stick”, that gave him a head start.

Luckily, Sarionod – the Black Wizard on this occasion – didn’t get his “Star Trek Transporter” by which he no doubt would have positioned his Orcs very favourably.

And I cast a spell that gave me my Banana boat.  Which was of strategic importance, as I was the Ring Bearer at the time, and had already advanced into the lands in between Rhûn, and Khand, situated East of Mordor.  My plan was to simply Banana Boat into Mordor on the eastern river.  This would have lead me to the Sea of Núrnen and then North again to Gorgoroth.  Which would have brought me much closer to my goal of destroying the Ring at mount Doom.

In accordance with his dishonest character and foul manners, Raymond called for a Online Decision of the council of Wise.   (Consisting of a single person that is held in high esteem in our circles, only known by his mythical RP name “Mathonen”.   See picture, taken when he was younger.)

Apparently Mathonen was engaged in an online game himself at the time, and didn’t feel like much research.  So he simply Googled for an existing precedent.  And came up with your site, contest, and statement that “one cannot simply banana boat into Mordor”.

As a result I lost the game, and must insist on removing this irrelevant nonsense from the internet.

Yours truly,

Galdorch

(Gruff Guano)