The shape of things to come

All of a sudden realizing that my Bad Muthafucka image just might be negatively influenced by the confession of occasionally playing fictional war games, I decided it was about time for a tattoo.   Or at least a symbolic body modification of some kind.

After having been removed aggressively from ‘The body shop’ by three blonde female shop assistants, for walking behind the cash register into the dressing room behind the store, under the assumption that the displayed over-the-counter beauty products are just an all too obvious front, supposed to hide the seedy Underground Parlor of Prison Tattoos in the back, … I stopped to ask directions at a barber shop called the ”Ink Rose Knife”.

To my surprise, they also offered services such as piercings, tattoos and scarification remodeling.

So far I haven’t been able to pick out a fitting look, so I copied some of the examples of the catalogue, to decide later:

“Pincushion punk pop.  For when you’re bored with facial hair experiments:

Having tried every possible variation on goatee beards, chin straps, oversized or subtle sideburns.  And every imaginable swirling combination of the fore mentioned elements, it’s time to break out the nail gun.  Have fun at the pneumatic- hammering of metal objects into your face.  Some stylish patterns are included in the set, but it’s more creative to try various cluster bombardments on your own.  (Make sure to avoid the eyes, or metal pins just might become permanently lodged near the optic nerves behind the eyeballs and cause optical illusions due to metal poisoning.  Moving objects like cars may look like enormous spiders, or Jesus might leap out of a bowl of chili.)

The grunge “Solar System Support” look  :

Ears permanently fitted with Enlobal Magnetic Barometric Technology, that converts your (hyper-) kinetic movements into electrochemical energy.  This way you can produce your own clean, organic energy, and store it in the battery units underneath your forehead skin.  Batteries with varying capacity are available in different shapes and sizes.   Be aware that extra cooling vent piping is required on both sides of the nose, to support the ventilation flow of the nostrils.   Thereby preventing the heat production of the batteries to fry the frontal cranial lobes.

Extras: The multifaceted glasses appear to be a mere style choice.  But hooked up to the batteries, they can provide a very entertaining lightshow at parties, with laser beams shooting colored patterns out of your eyes.”

“When inactive, extra nose vents are handy toolboxes, or cutlery cabinets.”

 

“Nostrils are usually underestimated as storage facilities.  This toilet paper holder is available at IKEA in chrome and aluminum”

“Could never get enough of making star shaped mud pies at the beach ? Tired of other kids stepping on them ?  Use your own body to carry them around for ever, so you will always be able to show what you sculpted by use of your little plastic shapes.   Endear friendly strangers, and/or cause colleagues to worry about you, … or even totally creep out fellow passengers on public transportation. By gradually unbaring more and more body parts.”

I’d go for this look, but I hate ties.